The Divinity of a Death Well Lived [Akri ] (not sure if adult or not)

[Avadedra Hetarra]

Shou's life had been a roller coaster ride since he had turned four. In that year, only a few months after his birthday, his family had been dealt the harshest blow anyone can be given.

Shou was ill.

And not just ill, but ill. Nearly incurably so. The disease had already taken hold of most of his nervous system and settled into his kidneys. They gave him pills, treated him with radiation after he turned seven, kept him in the hospital for stretches of time uncountable. His mother quit working to be with him, and his father took on every duty to keep their household in tact. Yet, through it all, Shou remained a happy, outgoing child. He maintained his studies, kept his grades up, and even made a few friends that were understanding of his situation. He was happiest when his brother and sister were born.

For his parents sake, Shou tried hard to hide his pain. He tried hard to keep his smile on, even when he felt his worst. For his siblings, he laughed and played as much as he could. But he wasted, was always thin and frail. He missed most of his school days, but never a holiday or birthday at home with his family. They meant the world to him.

This was his life for thirteen years. But now... now Shou was just tired. Tired of the pills and treatments. Tired of missing out on life because of his illness. Tired of the pain that was a constant companion in his life. Just tired. And today, all of it was going to end. He'd planned it carefully, he had every detail worked out, down to the precise moment. No one knew, and before anyone could figure it out, he'd already be gone.

Sitting at his desk, his school books stacked neatly to the side, he wrote his letter to his family. Each symbol was carefully chosen and placed on the paper. His heart flowed onto the paper as he poured out his pain and sorrow, begging forgiveness for what he was about to do.

[Akri]

Shinji stood at the doors, the gateway to death. He spent a lot of time there. In all honestly, he was aware he shouldn't. He was a reaper, he was supposed to be gathering souls, guiding them. The trouble was he was not the same reaper as he was several years ago. At least he thought it was years, time meant little to him after all.

To be honest, he didn't even look like the other reapers anymore. It was hard to cross paths with other reapers outside of the gatehouse, but since he spent most of his time there anymore, he saw them a bit more frequently. Vibrant and well he supposed full of life...so to speak. They could pass for human easily if they needed too. Shinji...or Tora...could not. Not anymore. His skin was pale, near white. His hair and eyes were blackened to near ink color, hair streaked with white. Where other reapers favored darker colors, a symbol of their sadness at a souls passing, Tora found himself in white. His movements were fluid, almost like air. And it was because of him.

Shou. Tora couldn't remember when he'd first met the boy. No...that wasn't true...he was just a child. And it was because of this child he found himself stirring out of his reverie after almost seven...weeks? Months? He wasn't sure. But he was sure that the boy was doing something very stupid. Turning around, he walked away from the doors and started the familiar path to a soul he knew would be waiting.

[Avadedra Hetarra]

The letter complete, Shou folded it carefully and placed it in the envelope, sealing it firmly and setting it on top of his school books. They'd have to be returned to the school anyway. Getting up, he moved to his bed and sat gingerly on the edge. The house was quiet on this early afternoon, making it easier for him to accept his choice.

Beside his bed, lined up in order of their taking, Shou's medication stood in a row on the table. He'd been keeping track of them himself since he was ten, so his mother had one less stress and worry to deal with for him. He knew what each one was without reading the label, because they were ALWAYS in order. The last two were a pain medication and a sleep aide. Both very potent. Shou closed his eyes at the twinge of pain in his heart. Saying a silent prayer for forgiveness, he opened them and reached for the bottles.

Four of each and a few drinks of water. He lay down and closed his eyes, feeling a heaviness settled into his limbs as the pain killers began their work right away. It shouldn't take too long.

[Akri]

Definitely something stupid. Tora could feel it. The song thrumming through him, it was getting louder by the second. Shou would not last much longer. He could feel it. Drifting through the streets, he made his way to the point where the pull was strongest.

Looking up at the home before him, he actually sighed. He'd been here so often through the years. Coming to check up on the boy inside, or to make sure the soul was safe. It seemed it was time to return before someone realized there was a soul waiting inside. So he made his way inside easily making his way through the window. Stopping just inside, he let his eyes fall to the body on the bed.

Tilting his head, he watched as the body died before him. He couldn't stop it. Not yet. He had to wait. Besides, he was tired of these little antics. It seemed he had to teach the boy a lesson. As troublesome as that would be.

[Avadedra Hetarra]

When Shou first opened his eyes again, he thought something had gone wrong. He was confused, disoriented, for a few moments as he attempted to focus on the ceiling. Slowly, he rose to sit up. The air was still and silent, but there was something odd. It felt stale, old. Like it hadn't moved in many years.

Looking around, he noticed other subtle changes. The sunlight coming through the window was pale, lacking the crisp glow it had shone only minutes before. Lifting his hand to wipe his face, he felt a weird lightness in his limbs. Rising from the bed, he slowly turned, feeling the thick air shift around him, and looked down at himself upon the bed. Eyes closed, he wasn't breathing. Gasping, Shou stumbled back and fell to the floor, but made no sound.

He stared at the body, his body, his mind racing as he tried to come to grips. It had worked. He had died. It was over. Why wasn't he relieved? Why wasn't he happy? Why was he still here?

[Akri]

Tora watched in silence. He watched as the boy before him separated from his body. He watched in silence as the realization set upon the features. It was a look he'd seen so many times, but one he never liked to see on the face before him. Never on Shou.

"Go back." The words were soft, an echo on the breeze really, but firm. They were the only words he had to say. He doubted the boy had even realized he'd been in the room, but he didn't really care right now. He was actually...he wasn't sure what, but he wanted Shou back in his bode within the next five minutes.

[Avadedra Hetarra]

The voice so near to him snapped him out of his reverie. Turning his head, he gasped, taking in the... man... standing by the window. He was an odd looking fellow, all monochrome and... thin. Not physically thin, no. More like, veil thin. Shou supposed that he was a being from this in-between place.

"Go... go back?" he said, his voice as flat as the air around him. "Go back to what? For what? There's nothing there for me..." Getting up, he found himself a bit steadier, his eyes drawn back to the body on the bed. "Look at it. So frail. Fragile. Useless. I wouldn't see my twenty-first birthday at the rate I'm going. So why? I don't want to."

He looked at the other man again, not sure why he was arguing so much against the simple two word command. And it had been a command, that much had been plainly obvious. But he didn't want to follow it. It was too hard.

[Akri]

Tora was silent as the boy argued. And that is what he was. A boy. Still a child and it was not his time. Narrowing his eyes slightly, he walked closer, his steps slow and measured. Even now he could feel himself drifting, like the air itself that no longer moved around him. A wisp of his former being.

"Go back," he ordered again. "It is not your place to tell me when you will die. It's not your time. So go back...before I make you," he warned. He had not done all this...done this to himself for the idiot boy to kill himself. He would not allow it. Shou needed to be alive. He had to be. Any other option was unacceptable.

Feeling the familiar pulse on his arm, he knew he did not have much time. Every time Shou died, the tie to him grew stronger. It was familiar and so much a part of him now, it was such an easy thing to forget. But the closer Shou became to the veil...to himself...the less likely it would be he would be able to return of his own will. He'd been able to convince Shou to go back so many times. He'd rarely had to actually force him back, but with the way the beads that lay around his wrist were weighing on his arm, he had a feeling that this would be one of those times. Those beads...they weren't even there anymore...not really, but a shadow that would not fade. Every time Shou visited him in the veil, their weight would come back, a reminder that Shou was once more deceased making his stomach drop.

"You need to go back," he said, his voice softer this time. "You can not die yet. I will not allow it."

[Avadedra Hetarra]

Shou's young face twisted into a mask of anger. Brief though that expression was when it showed, it had hurt the hearts of many when it came, but Shou could never control it as he could the pain. This time, though, the mask lingered. He glared, his ethereal body trembling in the dead air.

"Who are you?" he snapped. "Who are you to tell me to go back? Who are you to make my choices for me? To demand and command. You're nothing. Some... some death dream, some last ditch effort of my mind to stay in the living world. Well, you know what? I won't!" He pointed a thin finger at himself on the bed. "See? See that? That's what I am. A husk. Barely a living thing. There's no life left in those bones. No spark. No hope. I won't go back to living like that."

Looking around the room, seeing the fading shadows of his things (and yes, they were indeed fading), he grew angrier. Turning to the side table, his face twisted into a more gruesome mask of rage and hatred. He swept out his arm, intent on knocking the pill bottles to the floor, but his hand simply slid through them. As if he wasn't even there. Stopping, eyes widening, he brought his hand up to his face, studying his palm and fingers.

"I see the torment on my family," he said softly. "I see their ache, their grief. They're simply waiting. Waiting for the treatments to stop working, for the pills to stop keeping the pain at bay. Waiting for the day I can no longer bring myself out of my own bed. Waiting for me to waste away and die. But this way... this way I'm still me. As me as I can manage, at least. I'm still Shou. I'm still... worth something. Still their son, their brother. Not some twisted mess lying there, suffering."

Again, he looked at the man who had tried to send him back, his hand closing into a fist. Anger sparked again and he stepped toward the man.

"So just who the HELL do you think you are to take that from me?!"

[Akri]

There it was again, another pulse on his arm, stronger than the last. It was almost like a heartbeat racing through his body. He was sure it matched the fading pulse in the body that lay on the bed; the weaker the pulse there, the stronger he felt it himself, something that frightened him. Fright, fear...things he should not feel and yet he always felt them with this one boy.

Narrowing his own eyes, he stared down the furious boy before him. Growling softly, he took another step closer to him. "Death dream? You dare call me such? You will return to your body by choice or force, but you will return. I am no dream, nor am I your mind. I am your reaper. I am your death and I command your clock. Now return to your body before I put you back," he ordered as another pulse shot through him in time with Shou's heart. He didn't have much time, he needed to get Shou back.

[Avadedra Hetarra]

Shou met each step forward to his own step back. He moved until he hit the wall next to the door. He tried to remain stoic, but he felt the anger mask falling away. He was starting to feel afraid, which bothered him beyond measure. Drawing on his last few nerves, he straightened, his fists (which he almost couldn't feel now) tightening on themselves.

"Are you serious?" he spat, trembling. "My reaper? My death? If that's true then WHY AM I STILL HERE?! Why have you kept me locked in that skin? Why am I still alive? Reap me already!" He heard his voice begin to crack, to tremble and break. "Take me beyond! I don't want this anymore! And you can't make me!"

Grabbing at the door handle, he yanked. At first, it didn't give, but when it did, it flew open. Shou had expected more dead space, more stale air, and the fading memories of his home. Instead, he was struck by a brilliance that made his eyes burn, a wind that blew over him like a breath.

"What... what is that?" he asked, his voice hushed, one of his hands drifting up toward the hallway that should be there. "Where does that go?"

[Akri]

Tora didn't know what to do. Shou had reacted so strongly, so quickly, he'd barely even managed to open his mouth before Shou had spun to run away. That wasn't what had him panicking though, no. It was the door. The weight on his wrist slammed back full force, as if the child he'd taken care of so long ago had once again place it back on his wrist.

Looking down, he stared at the familiar shadow weighing his arm down, his eyes flicking back to Shou only to see the same bracelet hanging from a slim wrist being raised. Panic seizing him, he darted forward and grabbed the back of Shou's shirt and yanked, throwing him away from the door. "NO!" Slamming the doors shut, he turned on the figure before him; no longer a phantom in the veil.

Snarling to himself, he stalked towards the other. "You are returning to your body now!" Once more grabbing hold of him, he lifted him up before slamming his hand down into the body that lay on the bed his panicked rage fading to relief at the pulse that ran through the human that lay in his grip.

[Avadedra Hetarra]

The world began to spin. The light in the doorway began to sink into his eyes, reaching into his mind. He heard whispers, slipping into his ears like a silky smooth touch. He wanted to move forward, to step into the warmth. He saw his arm, the beads of his bracelet shimmering like stars. He felt a hand touching his own, gentle and warm... guiding...

Then, the world spun the other way, and the light was gone. Once again, the man... the Reaper... filled his sight again. Anger, he could hear it, but his mind was still a jumble of fuzz. He felt himself being shoved, being moved, being lifted. He realized too late. He opened his mouth...

... and screamed. His eyes flew open and he screamed again, his entire body felt like it was on fire. Shou flailed, thrashing, until he rolled from the bed and slammed into the floor. His stomach rolled and he managed to claw his way to the trash can before the pills were ejected from his body. Panting, he huddled on the floor, trembling from head to toe as he tried to sort out what had happened.

"No... no no... no... I don't want... I don't want to be here..." he whimpered, tears soaking his face as he heaved again. "No... please..."

[Akri]

Tora felt Shou pull away from him and watched in a half daze as the boy heaved into his trash. It was probably an odd thing to find solace in, but simply hearing it had his eyes falling close in relief, the weight on his wrist already fading back in his mind. Focusing on the sounds Shou was making, he slowly gathered himself, his sudden panic receding.

Straightening up, he let his gaze flicker off to the vanity Shou had in his room. He'd been in here enough over the years to know the general layout of the boy's room. Catching his reflection, he took a quick glance of himself before letting his gaze linger on the boy. Tilting his head, he lifted a foot to place on the bed, walking across it to stand in front of Shou.

"You need to be here," he said softly, his calm once more restored with Shou safely back in his body. "It is my choice when you die. Not yours. One day you will accept this and we will not need to continue doing this." Lifting his hand, he nearly reached out to touch him, but let it once more fall to his side. Apart from these moments, the brief meetings where he had to put him back physically, he had not touched Shou since he'd returned the bracelet. He'd learned the first time they'd met after that day that Shou did not remember him. Sometimes he did, but more often than not, Tora was a stranger to him and his touch was unwelcome.

Not knowing what else to do, unable to touch, unable to speak, he simply stood over the other awkwardly, watching him in silence. What was he to say after all; beyond what he had already. He supposed he could just return to the veil, but even with his calm restored, his peace of mind was not; and so he lingered.

[Avadedra Hetarra]

After an eternity of struggle, Shou felt his insides begin to settle. Breathing deeply, he cautiously sat up, moving slowly as his head spun a little. Using his sleeve, he wiped his mouth, sucking in lungfuls of the living air of his room. It was so different from that other place, so clean. He could practically taste the particles that made it up.

Looking around, he tried to ignore the blatantly obvious strange looking fellow standing there. No, not there. Only sort of there. Like a mirage, really. Sort of shimmering, solid for a few moments at a time, then a wisp. Blinking, he wiped his face again.

"You've damned me," he said, his throat burning. "If you won't let me die, then you've damned me to this suffering. What's your plan? Let me be sick and waste away for the next ten years? Twenty? Hundred? Are all Reapers as greedy and cruel as you are?"

He couldn't believe what he was saying. He was admitting that he believed, which was insane, but for the proof of it. He'd been dead, then this man had come and thrown him back into the world of the living. While his waking mind couldn't put the pieces together just yet, his sleeping memory screamed that it was fact.

He'd been dead. And this Reaper had brought him back to life.

How messed up was that?

[Akri]

"Not forever," Tora finally answered. He'd been standing there for several minutes, trying to think of something to say, but that was all he could think of. What else could he say? Even he did not know why he was doing this. It had been over a decade, nearly two now. He knew as a reaper, he needed to send Shou through the veil, but whenever this happened, something seized in him and he could not think. When he would come back to his senses, Shou would once again be in his body.

It was an endless cycle he couldn't seem to break, but he knew there would be an end; eventually. He knew one day he'd have to take Shou back to Death. After all, Death did not like losing his souls. The moment Shou had first stepped through those doors, he was supposed to turn away and reap again, but he couldn't do it. Not yet. He needed to see Shou grow, to see him live a long life; to see him happy.

"I will reap you, but not yet. You need to live your life," he said softly not really knowing what else to say. "You have so much to live for still."

[Avadedra Hetarra]

Using the bed, Shou got to his feet. Shaking, he squared off in front of the Reaper, his face a scowl of pain and anger.

"I... I have so much... to live for? Are you... are you serious? I'm sick! I'm dying! I've been dying for most of my life... why are you doing this to me?" Sighing, he dropped onto the bed, heaving a soft sob as his frail shoulders shook. "I can't do this anymore. Why did you take this away from me? It's your job to take my soul away, not to give it back. You're a horrible Reaper. The worst..."

His voice trailed off as he began to sob quietly, cradling his face in his hands. He was tired all over, his head was pounding, and his stomach felt like it was on fire.

[Akri]

Tora tilted his head, his hair shifting around his shoulder. If he thought about it, Shou was not wrong. He was a horrible reaper, absolutely horrible. He hadn't taken a soul through the veil in sixteen years and the last one he had let pass he'd ripped back.

"I am your reaper. I am aware of your...health," he said softly. "That does not change the situation. You are a child. Dying is not dead, so do not act as if they are the same. You feel. You laugh and cry. Warmth, compassion. Friendship. Love. Live for them."

[Avadedra Hetarra]

"Oh shut up already! What would you know? Why don't you go away? Why don't you leave me alone? You won't let me die, but I'm not able to live. So just... get out..."

Shou got up and shuffled around the room, straightening things that didn't even need it, trying to make himself busy. His chest was beginning to hurt, and he coughed, gripping his throat as it stung.

"Are you still here? I said go away. Before someone comes home and hears me talking to myself." He snatched up the goodbye note that he'd so carefully written and ripped it into pieces, as small as he could, scattering them on the floor. "Don't come back. Leave me alone."

[Akri]

Tora walked the last few steps to the window, looking out it at the street below. He couldn't leave yet even if he wanted too. Every time he shoved Shou back into his body, he faded; his powers weakened. It was against his nature after all to return a soul to the vessel it left and he'd been doing it so long now. He was fairly sure that bringing show back would likely be the end of his existence.

"What would you have me do?" he said, speaking softly, his voice deep as it drifted in the air; an echo in the realm of the living. "I can no....will not leave you to die. If you are unhappy, then tell me what you need. I am not of this world and do not know what you require. Only what you should experience before you die."

It was true enough. He'd watched Shou over the years. He'd seen the joyous boy of five blowing bubbles while only days later he laid in bed just barely avoiding the void. He'd watched Shou rest in bed reading to his siblings while they begged their mother to let them stay up for just one more story. Watched Shou hum to himself in daydreams that no one could see. He could not understand Shou's dissatisfaction. He understood Shou was in pain, but he could only ever feel such things when Shou was with him so he was unsure if he was even feeling it. Fear and sadness were human emotions, as well as desire and longing. He honestly did not know what to do.

[Avadedra Hetarra]

Kneeling, Shou began to pick the pieces up, one-by-one. He sighed, feeling the last of his tears dry up in his eyes. There was nothing left to cry about. Each little bit of paper he then rolled into a little ball and held in the palm of one hand.

"There's nothing anyone can do," he said shortly. "Not even you. There's no cure for me. There's barely even a name for what I have. I'm going to die whether you like it or not. Whether I like it or not. So... you can go away. I'll find a way to beat you. Just go away. Let me waste away and die in peace."

[Akri]

Tora tilted his head before rolling his shoulders. "If all you want is to be cured, I can do that," he stated simply. It was easy enough. He'd been doing it for years now. It wouldn't be that much harder than what he was already doing. It was just risky. He'd be human if he did it and if something happened before his powers returned, he'd have no way of sending Shou back.

If he thought about it, he was pretty sure he wouldn't have done it on his own. It was something he would only consider with Shou asking himself. In fact, he doubted it was something he would even think of. After all, it seemed he did very little thinking when Shou was involved.

[Avadedra Hetarra]

"Liar," Shou mumbled. "Lies. You can't cure me. I already told you that."

He got up and shuffled to the trash can, pouring the tiny balls of paper over the contents of his stomach. Brushing his palms together, he pulled the bag out and tied it up tightly. Setting it aside, he crawled onto the bed, curling up.

"You don't listen... I want you to go away. I want to be alone. I have to get myself composed before my brother and sister get home... they can't see me this way. They wouldn't understand."

[Akri]

Tora watched Shou in silence, his gaze watching as each little slip of paper was rolled into a ball. He watched as Shou gathered each in his hand, creating a pattern, almost a ritual with the repetitive action. As the balls of paper grew, he turned from the window to watch as the other rose to his feet to dispose of them, watched as a broken body crawled onto a familiar bed to curl up in...misery?

"I can not go yet," he finally said. "And I do not lie. I have no reason too," he said simply. He walked towards the bed, coming to stop beside it, his head falling to the side as he watched Shou on the bed. He was still such a tiny thing. Frail and broken and yet the boy had such power of him. He could not fathom it.

"If you want to be cured, it will be simple. I have been doing it for some time now...to an extent. Shall I cure you? If I do, you can not die again. You must promise me this."

[Avadedra Hetarra]

Shou looked up at the man. He didn't have the energy to be angry at the words he'd said. Curing him to an extent? What a crock. Shou was as sick today as he had been yesterday.

"Do what you want," he mumbled, closing his eyes so he didn't have to look at the crazy apparition before him. "It's clear you won't let me die, no matter what I promise or don't. So... whatever."

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